CPAC. Just say no to rational thought!

Mass Delusion- CPAC be thy name-

Every year a group of Republicans attend a super secret conference where they solidify their pact with dark forces through rituals, readings, speeches, invocations, and numerous performances of inanity. This is CPAC!

The requisite appearances by conservative “babes” were amongst the most well attended and covered events. Ann Coulter’s saucy performance art brought the crowd ( well the under 65 crowd) to their knees. Her wisdom spewing like the fount of a knowledge geyser she truly let out some zingers: “poor women should keep their legs closed before marriage”. Brilliant. My grandmother couldn’t have said it better!

Sarah Palin’s rousing reading of Macbeth’s soliloquy was sublime. I truly felt her pain- oh she read Green Eggs and Ham instead? Oh well nobody cares about a broody Danish prince anyway it’s not like the medieval genre is all over television or anything. Cough. Cough. Crickets,

 

Never having been a poor single mother Ann Coulter as usual seems to have confused “crazy shit Madea says” with actual solutions for public policy issues. Surely conservatives have ideas to solve the endemic socioeconomic difficulties that result in a circular path of single motherhood that is only reversed through improved public education and access to contraception as well as exposure to ideas about respecting your body and yourself. Ah crickets again.

 

Oh Sarah you scallywag! What have you been up to? Apparently she could not think of a more erudite reading for CPAC than a children’s book. Bully for you Sarah! Katie Couric can shove it because you do read! I heard you got a subscription to Tiger Beat and In Touch Weekly. Who needs to read wonky magazines like Foreign Affairs, The Atlantic, or Vogue? Not Caribou Barbie that’s for sure doncha know.

 

I am not sure whether I want to plead with Marco Rubio my fellow Floridian to get away from Chancellor Palpatine and the evil side of the force and join the Jedi. He seems like an amiable enough young fellow who is just seriously misguided. I am sure if he thought about some of the statistics reflecting a HUGE problem that is about to hit Florida he would revise his policy stances. When there are 10,000 people homeless in the Orlando Metro Area and about 3,000 homeless on the Space Coast you might worry that your state’s rep as a family destination will suffer right? This isn’t NY homelessness etc. In Florida the homeless are EVERYWHERE near the beach ( which I would be too- food, warmth, water) and it is amusing to watch the discomfitting expressions of the wealthy beachsiders as the population of homeless people increases daily. So Rubio could be a hero avoid thorny questions regarding immigration ( we are just not there yet on a few “gateways” between Canada, US, and Mexico) and can address the problems of Florida.

 

Nevermind. He won’t.  CPAC is a self congratulation fest- we aren’t poor and god damnit we hate the poor!!!

If I wanted to see drooling fan boys I will watch youtube videos of comic con because at least the people are cooler and the costumes are better.

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